wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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