Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
