I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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