I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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