she woke up with a sticky ear
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Edward fifth and chaser hands
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
