So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
