Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
