If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
