How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
