Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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