i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
