she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
