A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God, I missed his penis.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
