if you like me you must not know who I am
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
