Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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