I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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