I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
