ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
