Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
