What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to calm my uterus...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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