He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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