thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
