You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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