I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
