i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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