***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
