I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
