just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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