I'm going to jail i love you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
