My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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