well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
