if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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