I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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