Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
