i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
