omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
