Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
