Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
