i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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