You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
