Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
