I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
