is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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