I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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