he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
