I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
