I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
