did you get engaged???
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
