So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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