My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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