Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
