i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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