sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
