My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
