Don't you send me to vm
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just invented taco cereal.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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