just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
