3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
