I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
