no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
