she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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