Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
People in love make me want to vomit
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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