Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
