If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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