His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
