In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
