Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
