Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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