I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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