Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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