She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
